Black Coffee

I remember being younger and watching the way my dad drank coffee; Black. Some mornings I would be up early enough to get some coffee myself but I would never dare to try drinking it the way that he did. I recognized the kind of man he is by the way he drinks his coffee. (I know it sounds silly.) My dad's a very strong person, especially in my eyes I learned that from watching him drink his morning coffee. The bitter taste of the black coffee doesn't even phase him, didn't phase him, and probably never will.
I also remember thinking to myself, way back then, that I would never be able to drink coffee the same way that he does. He was this big strong man and I was just a puny little shrimp kid. I needed cream and sugar. Lots of sugar.
As I write this, I'm on my second giant mug of black coffee.

Lets say that the coffee is our relationship with God. Depending on how tired you are (in life, through trials) your amount of coffee, and the way you drink it can change. The less trials you have, the less tired you are and you have your coffee with cream and sugar. Your faith exists but it isn't always the way you stay awake at work.
Now, there are trials. The sleep goes, and staying awake becomes the hardest thing you do everyday. If you choose correctly, you choose to strengthen your relationship with God. A.k.a. Black coffee.

It may seem like somewhat of a stretch, but that's what I am thinking of as I sit here drinking my black coffee, journaling and reading my bible.

I like it this way.

Sore Thumb

You have probably all heard the saying "stick out like a sore thumb." If not, then now you have. Since I was younger I always thought there was something weird about me. Maybe not weird, but "different."
First, I had HUGE glasses growing up. So, I was classified as pretty nerdy. Then I had really poofy hair to go along with the glasses, and I became nerdy and geeky. After that came the truth that I was a HOMESCHOOLER - yeah, so my nerdy/geeky level got bumped up about ten notches, and then I was weird also. Next came the fact that I was a dancer; you wouldn't think that weird now, but I got teased relentlessly for it when I was younger.
All this goes to say part of me has always felt like "I do not belong here."
When I was eight years old I wanted to be a missionary and a dancer. Here I am, well on my way to those two things. How did I know it would happen? I was eight...

This whole "feeling out of place thing" has been around forever. I always thought it was because of the people who picked on me in one place, or the next. Now I realize it as a completely different situation.
I don't want any of what is here, and there is nothing wrong with what's here, but it doesn't belong to me.
I don't want a cookie cutter house, I don't want a Saturday afternoon routine, and I don't want to be stuck in one place right now.

I fell in love with a sanctuary lit by 60 watt light bulbs, with an acoustic guitar, and an audience for a choir. So I asked myself in church today "what am I doing here?"
This place has these standards of what is materialistically appropriate, yet we speak about wanting to "go back to nature."
Aren't the stars more beautiful than a disco ball? Isn't a sunrise more beautiful than the coffee mug in your hand at noon? All of these things were given to us, freely and we put it away even for church service.

This is the "weird" stuff that I thought was just me being weird. I'm an adventurer, explorer.. world changer if you dare to call it that. And, I do not belong in the middle of a concrete man-made world. I'm blessed to have acknowledged my 'weirdness' as what it really is now, instead of 50 years from now. I can't wait to really live it out; where ever it shall be!

Dievs ir labs! Ja? ;)

Laughter

So I know any of my friends anywhere will understand the humor in the story. Mostly because these people know what it's like when I really start laughing.
Yesterday I wanted an adventure. I thought, if I could have them in Latvia with a little searching I could have them here too. So that's what I did... I found an adventure.

That adventure was time with my little brother Kenneth...
We went to eat at a Mexican food restaurant here in town; if you've ever eaten with my brother you will know that he harasses the poor server relentlessly. (It's a good thing he's funny) After our humorous dining I needed to run to the store to buy some supplies for art. I'm there on the floor of this office depot and giggling at some stupid joke my brother made. When he walks over all nonchalant and farts right in my face.

Typical. As stupid as it sounds I missed this part of my relationships. Those stupid little things my brothers and I do are how we tell each other "hey, I think I love you and I missed you while you were gone." I know.... strange.

So there I am, rolling on the floor of this store, and we find... DUN DUN DUN! A call bell.



My twirpy little brother and I then proceeded to drive around town ringing our bells... We don't know why, and it was probably really stupid. But it doesn't matter. Because that's how we build our relationship with each other.
How do you build yours?
Is it stupid? Is it serious? Is it light? Joyful? Heavy?

How you build your relationships, affects the relationship. Wether or not you choose to build a relationship with someone.
Like I heard in church this Sunday, relationships affect you, and you affect others in your relationship.
So be joyful, wise, encouraging and sincere.
God will work through you.

Larry, Ron and Derril

On the flight from London to Houston I had the privilege of meeting the three stooges. These guys were in there 60's-brothers-and absolutely hilarious. I had made a joke with them before boarding the plane and then got to sit across the isle from them on the flight, which means 10 hours of bonding time. The gentlemen had been walking around Europe with each other, going to jazz bars in Paris and all those fun things. They asked what I had been doing there and we got to share stories of where we were and what we did.
Towards the beginning of the flight the chair in front of Derril was broken, and would lean all the way back for the whole flight. There was only one chair to exchange with and it was right in the middle... gross! These three guys were pretty big, so I could tell he was going to be REALLY uncomfortable if he stayed that way the whole flight. So, I offered him my seat and all was well in the world of traveling. haha! Ron told the flight attendant to put me in first class... I wouldn't have minded going... but it was just a seat change.

At the end of the flight Derril said thank you, and then told me one of the nicest thing a stranger has ever said to me. He said "You are going to be one of those people who brings peace with you where ever you go. You are a world changer, I can just see it. God bless you."

I really didn't know what to say; what an incredibly lovely thing to say to a stranger. So, Thank you very VERY much Larry, Ron and Derril for a wonderful trip! You guys were great.


Upon entering into the U.S. I was given extra paper work and asked for my visa. A little confusing, but I ended up clearing up that I was actually an American citizen. I am not sure why they didn't think so...
None of our luggage made it, but that's fine really. It isn't like I don't have clothes to wear. We walked out of baggage claim and up to my mother, it was SO nice to see her! =) It was weird to think that it's been 8 weeks! The very first thing I do is buy a caramel macchiato from Starbucks, and then it was off for mexican food! The restaurant was SO loud, the food was great- but we were ready to go home.

I slept almost all of the car ride home, and then passed out once I got here-after I hugged everyone at least once, of course.

Now, I'm trying to get used to my cell-phone again, getting used to seeing so many cars may take a while. I really am enjoying home though. It's nice to be back.

The traveling continues...

So, since I kept all of my Americans up to date on what I was doing while I was in Latvia, I figured I could do the same for my favorite Latvians also. =)

I am currently sitting in Copenhagen airport. The plan leaving Latvia was the hardest part... I had been doing okay, you know? I was happy to be going home, sad to be leaving. That kind of thing.. but MAN. The plane leaving the ground nearly killed me.
I wanted to just yell for the pilot to stop and let me out, weird.
Anyways, I already can't wait for next Summer. Don't get me wrong Americans, I am really excited to be going to school! I will have my new apartment, new friendship opportunities, but my heart has a little chunk stolen from it every time I come and go from Latvia... it is just the way it is.


I am enjoying watching all the people here in the airport, Tony is sitting here reading through an Italian newspaper, the guards are walking by acting all awesome, and I'm sitting in front of a perfume store... it smells nice. But not like flowers-- bummer.

Well, I'm off I suppose. About to go and check gates. I sure hope that I'm in the right place!
Here is to the travels! Lets sing a new verse to this song, shall we?

We'll Make an Adventure of it!

When I came to Latvia... I was completely different. And I do mean completely.

My intention for the trip was never for a "self-help" Summer. Actually, quite the opposite. I was considering not coming because of the state of emotional destruction my heart was in. I wasn't sure that I would be able to tell people about God's love if I couldn't even say that I REALLY believed in it. I remember this one conversation I had with a friend before coming. She told me "Don't even begin to believe that lie! You were made to go there. Your heart was made to tell about love. It is just... who you are." For some reason or another, I listened to her. Of all the ignoring I have done in my lifetime this was a moment I slipped up. I listened. I can not say "thank you" enough to that person... I mean, really.

My whole time here has been like home for my spirit. Since the second I got here I knew that I was supposed to be here, that I am supposed to be here later. It's just something I know...

God has been able to use my story, my life, (good and bad) for things I never thought possible. That's why He's God, and He is so much better at it than I was, back when I was trying to be.

My last full day in Cesis was today, and how incredible it was! We made an adventure of it. I went up in the church tower, higher than is allowed, but who will ever know? (...anyone who reads this.) After that Marta took me to this old graveyard, and yes I suppose your average person would be like "greeaaat" but this really was so enjoyable! Such a beautiful place.
After that we walked down to the river and onto this really cool nature path. We drank from the spring, climbed up a cliff and into a cave, walked in water that was probably freezing temp. (not even kidding) and enjoyed the view from our little island.
We met up with everyone and then just got to relax and enjoy each other's company. It was the best way for me to say "I love you" to everyone. By just sitting with them and laughing and talking about things that don't matter. We've got the silly pictures to prove it!

All this goes to say that I am so much more "Amanda" now. I plan to keep it this way, I like who I am when I'm trusting God instead of myself. I do more daring things, I say more daring things, and I love like there is no tomorrow. What better way to live than living in His presence?
Weeks ago I wanted to be able to say "My chains are gone, I've been set free" and mean it... and here it is.

My chains are GONE, and I have been set free.
I mean every word of that.

The Stranger Stopped the Bus..

I have always been taught that the way you treat people, wether or not you can understand them, was very important.
Several weeks ago on the Baltic Sea trip with the church group the bus driver (from the bus the group had rented) was one of the people that I applied this everyday upbringing with. When we dined I made sure he had enough food, etc... just kind of my serving personality. Coming from the family that I do it is so natural for me to make sure everyone at the table has food and drink and is comfortable.
Despite the huge language barrier, and little time spent together, this bus driver and I became friends. I appreciated his work for us, and he appreciated our group.. (I feel)
anywhoooo
I was going to Riga on friday, and was about to miss my bus, due to incorrect reading and anxious spacey-ness. I was walking out of the station and ran into the driver from our trip, I stopped him and asked how he was doing, (little bit of Latvian that I know.) He introduced me to his friend from work and I showed him my ticket to ask where it was I was supposed to be. He pointed to the bus that warming up to leave. I understood a few words from him "RUN! FAST!" I start running after the bus as it starts to drive off.

I stop running and consider just buying another ticket for a different time, easy to fix, no big deal. Then I look over and I see the almost stranger running after the bus for me. Now, usually the average nice person that you've only met once would just tell you when the next bus was and make sure you got to the right place; nope. Not this guy, not this stranger.
The bus stopped in the middle of the road and I climbed on. I couldn't really say "thank you" enough. It was so touching to me.

I suppose the story sounds kind of simple, but in so many different ways it was confirmation that I'm always looked out for. I was happy that it was that bus driver, from that one trip, that I took that one week. And I'm glad that it was that one meal, that I made sure he wasn't in the least bit hungry, and that for some reason or another we have this understanding that we're friends. Though neither of us know the other's name.

sometimes God just knows when you need to know you're looked out for, and that was that moment.
Needless to say, it was a great bus ride.

Unending Love

It is funny to me the reactions I get when I say "The love I'm talking about is absolute love for an enemy--in the absolute sense that you would die for them to live."
I said this to the youth today, we got to have a pretty good discussion tonight. Agnese and Emils lead everything (and they did great.) Over all, we had a small group. But there was this one person there, that I know really needed to have the word "love" defined for them in an unconditional sense.
After I had said that, I said- some one did that for you. Jesus let Himself be nailed to a cross, died, and rose again when we still hated Him...(though I can't take credit for those words... due to my uncanny ability to forget everything when speaking to groups of people, however small.) This single person's jaw dropped, and they gasped. I mean, really? Never had this kind of love been explained to her.

What made it even better, is that I had needed to hear those words myself. I have recited things like "Jesus loves you" sine I could talk, but tonight those words were absolute reality. And I do mean absolute.
Journal entry after journal entry is related to love.
"Lord, help me love"-"Why do I avoid love?"-"I love mexican food"-"How can I possibly love something so screwed up, how can I love this... me"
All of these things are mentioned over and over again in my own personal leather book...
Tonight I hit a glimpse of that love that I crave daily; and it brings me to tears. How absolutely loved am I? Are you?

Wow...

hey,
I love you.

And in addition

So, I know I wrote just yesterday, and honestly all I've done today has been sleeping. (I'm feeling a bit sick.. well, a lot sick. but whatever) yet there is this absolutely AMAZING thing for me to write about.

Since before I left to come to Latvia, and all through the time I've been here the scripture I have said to myself over and over and over again has been Philippians 4:13 "I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength."
I have been asked to do things on this trip that I could not have done on my strength-emotional, physical or spiritual.
Things like forgiveness, teaching hip hop, being patient (with people and with myself,) and picking up the language here.
All of these moments and more have been done with my repetitive reminder that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.

The last day of camp I was given a book mark, with a scripture written on it in Latvian, I saw it this morning and thought I would look it up and see what it was in English...

There it was.

"I can do ALL things through CHRIST who gives me strength."

I needed that this morning, really. Because I have a lot of kids here who won't do anything because they are afraid they won't succeed. I need to continue to tell them that, it isn't them. Ever. And I need to show them how to surrender.

God is good-always good.

Dievs ir labs!

Wow, so sorry for it being over a week since I last wrote anything about Latvia. The past 6 days have been spent at a camp working with kids/teaching hip hop (fun stuff, lemme tell ya)
So many great experiences in the past week, and several new friends to keep up with in the upcoming year away from everyone here. I'll kinda write for you a few of my journal entries from my time at camp. Sound good? good.

Day 2- morning.
We left around 3 yesterday afternoon, two ice creams and one redbull later we are here. I'm excited to start the week! I'm praying that God will give me these dances for the kids. Because, I have a) not done hip hop in forever and b) not taught dance.. in FOREVER. pray pray pray.

Day 3-
The kids got here this afternoon, and they are tons of fun and SO adorable. Oh, I forgot to mention that I got called a missionary for the first time ever yesterday, it caught my off guard. Like... seriously.
I can't help but think about all the time (since I was 8) that I wanted to be a missionary. Now, I finally get called one and part of me goes .. "no.. no not really. Maybe some day soon"
I start teaching dances tomorrow, I'm nervous but I keep reminding myself that these things I'm stressing over I am absolutely not in control of.

Day 5-
There is something about rubbing the back of and singing to a crying child that gives you time to think about all you ever really want. One of Agnese's girls was crying tonight. I suppose she (anna) just missed home. She doesn't know much english at all, and I know very little Latvian but some how there is always a way to communicate. Love. I'm telling you, Jesus had it right when he said (well everything!) but what stood out to me this night was "The greatest of these is love." I remember journal entries from a month ago of me praying for God to show me how to love again. It had been so long since I really loved anyone/anything. Seriously.
Also, as I sat there humming Amazing Grace to Anna I thought about all I ever want when I'm sad. It's always that something I never really get. Most of the time. When I'm crying out of complete sadness, (not just exhaustion, or hunger, or something. But sadness) I want some one to hold me really close and sing me a song. Turns out, that is all Anna wanted too. Go figure. It was that easy.


Day 6-
I realized I sat there around the camp fire singing that I am holding on to soooo much. I'm holding onto the scars, the memories, the sorrow... like... seriously? I walked up to Annija and asked her to pray for me. Afterwards she said to me "It isn't about asking and being given an answer. It is about saying 'Jesus, I love You. And I will follow You where ever You go.'" That is all. This whole time I've been somewhat angry about never getting an answer for those things that hurt me deeply. Or being sad about the very little bits of my heart that were left over from it all. But here it was... so simple. I love You, and I will follow You where ever You go.





And now, Home sweet Latvian home. I got a shower, coke, candy, potato chips and a big ol' comfy bed. What more could I need?
I'm happy to be back, I feel like the camp went so well, and in addition to great experiences and growth in my walk with God, I've gained so many friends. Friends that I can share my love of Christ with.
What a week, and what weeks to come. It is however weird to not have the guys in the flat. So boys, if you're reading this, I miss your presence in the flat! Also, if you miss me just make a pot of coffee in the morning. haha!

Goodnight, and I'll write again soon!

writers block, hand cramps, and little time.

My apologies for not having more blogging done these past few days. A long with our regular meetings with youth I've been helping get stuff ready for the American team to get here!
They arrived safe and sound, minus a few... several... bags on Saturday evening. It was soooo great to see every one! We have already got everything going full speed ahead. The folks are ready for building, ready for relationships and ready for TONS of fun!


I wish it wasn't so difficult for me to write right now... but unfortunately my mind isn't running on full battery at the moment. It's time to rest, tomorrow is a time to work, and this whole week is a time to enjoy!

goodnight, and I apologies again for the itty bitty blog.

Baptism, Kids Camp, and lake day! Oh my!

Since Sunday afternoon the weather here has been perfect! Sunny and warm with a cool breeze!
Sunday after church was one of our (the three interns) friend's baptism. It was such a special day, and it was so great to be able to be apart of this huge event in Toms life.
One of the most touching moments was when Toms and Landry were singing Amazing Grace- My Chains are Gone (not only because of the situation, but because this song holds so much meaning that I can't explain right now) And after Toms was baptized he came back up out of the water and over to Landry and they started singing "My chains are gone, I've been set free..."

Man.... that moment. Words cannot describe the worship in that place.


Monday:
Was our last kids camp, but we did have some new faces! You remember the girls I told you I invited despite being afraid of speaking? One of them came! And she also said she would come next week to Vacation Bible School!
I was really happy to see all the kids. They are so much fun. Thomas told the story of Jesus and His death and resurrection. The kids made picture frames and Landry was the hot glue gun master.

After the story and crafts we all walked over to the sports hall, where Landry and Thomas taught the kids how to play kick ball! It was a huge hit and I have a feeling there will be many more games to come. If I remember correctly I think Landry's team won by three runs at the bottom of the last inning. Nice guys!








Yesterday (Tuesday) We had a lake day with some of our youth! It was a fun swimming and picnic day! with perfect weather. It was a great time to build stronger friendships and to just relax after a long day of work. Our group really enjoyed people watching at the lake and have all voted this kid as our new hero. Be proud!!

Cold Water

There is nothing that makes you feel more alive than swimming in cold water. I mean, seriously.... the feeling of the ice cold water draped around your skin, is A. shocking but B. life changing; an underestimated experience in my opinion. Today and a couple days ago I had the opportunity to jump in some ICE cold water. I'm talking, Baltic Sea cold. And what did I do other than the "Amanda thing" and jump right in. Yes, I know sometimes I'm careful, but when it comes to those 'little things' why worry?

My first opportunity to dive in was Thursday at lake Ungurs. It was a cold and cloudy day, and about 60 degrees. What better swimming weather... right? The second time was the Baltic sea! I was standing there on the Latvia boarder playing around on the rocks, and sure enough I fall in. On the Estonian side. So, I can safely say that I have fallen into a country... and then swam back to Latvia. Quite a simple adventure.

The funny thing about cold water, to me, is that you either get used to it or you shut down. Those are your two options. Our faith can be related similarly. When you dive into what ever it is God has planned for you to do, there will probably be those things you'll have to do that will make you uncomfortable. Speaking.. that's my thing. I've got this absolute fear of it, doesn't matter if I know everything about my topic or not. But I realize it as a small little trick to prevent me from doing these AMAZING things for God. Today I was walking back to the flat from the store and I saw one of the girls who had gone to our kids camp last week and she had two friends with her. I had two options, say hi, (dive in) and then leave (freak out about how cold it is and then run to shore.)
OR I could get over this irrational fear of speaking to a stranger and invite the two kids to come to kids camp on Monday. I went with option two, and I'm proud of it. I swam.

I don't know if they will come or not, but they were asked to come, and told that someone was looking forward to them being there. So, that's my tid-bit. That's what I was thinking about while I was swimming in absolutely cold water. Why let it prevent me from doing something that makes me feel so alive, even with the intense amount of cold? Exactly. "Don't."


So think about what you probably have heard since you were 4 years-old. "Jump on in! The waters great!"

Immerse yourself.
goodnight and sweet dreams!



P.S. (pictures from our trip!)

A Wedding and a Holiday

There is nothing like a good ol' fashion wedding to start off your Liga/Jani day holiday. Some friends from last year had their wedding yesterday, and from about 9 until 5 in the afternoon I was sitting around listening to the mixture of Latvian and English that was thrown around the sanctuary. It really is one of my favorite things- sitting in a room and not understanding what is being said.
The wedding was beautiful, Eduards and Kitija (the newly weds) looked absolutely beautiful! It wasn't like most traditional Latvian weddings (where the groom has to carry the bride of seven bridges) . It was actually more like your average American wedding. One tradition that I think is lovely here is the newly weds putting a lock on a bridge (usually engraved with their names and the wedding date) and then throwing the key into the river. The whole wedding day was very sweet.


After that, and after a nap and a HUGE cup of coffee we headed to Inese's house for the holiday. Inese is a lady from our church and an excellent cook! and if you know me, you know I love to eat. Several people were there and it was great to spend so much time with close friends. We made flower wreaths to wear on our head and sat around the campfire. We got to sing, dance, play, eat, and then eat some more. I have really enjoyed being able to become so close to the girls in the church, and I hope that when I'm gone they will continue the work that's being done here.

flower picking for the wreaths!


Our wonderful dinner!


I call these "cotton candy sunsets"

Yesterday was wonderful, and today will be equally so. I hope for some good conversations and some great experiences as well.
Tomorrow there may be a possible trip to Riga. Since both the boys are gone on some manly adventures I am the only one chillin' at home with Mom and Pops Wimberley. Who knows what is in store for today, once my friends are awake we may go out to find some adventures of our own.
Enjoy the rest of your day, and I'll post again soon!

čau!

Kids being kids, teaching kids.

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

We spent our Sunday at church, seeing everyone and listening to a great sermon that was in English! (Thank you Mark) His sermon was on quotes from Jesus and gave several points to how radical Jesus was. Something that I think is always a good thing to hear.
After church we met up with some friends and went to Sigulda to watch Landry bungee jump! It was exciting enough just to watch, maybe some other time I'll be brave enough.. maybe...
We spent most of the day just sight seeing, hanging out and eating ice cream. (of course) We made friends with three girls that we met at the Cafe/Bakery we were eating at and invited them to join us for the rest of the day. And they did! They were tons of fun, and so cute! I'm gonna post some pictures from our Sigulda day... now!

Our new friends!



Our group!

With as much fun as we had on Sunday, Monday would have to be just as good!
Our kids camp went so well! We had several new faces, and all of the faces from the week before were happy to be there as well! We told the creation story, and acted it out also. Like we did the first week. I really do wish that my unavoidable fear of speaking in front of groups of people would disappear... I do try really hard to make sure that it doesn't affect my mission and my calling, but it may be one of the most common things I battle with. Daily. The reason I say all this is because I was the one who told the story yesterday at camp. It seems silly to have been so anxious about it, when of all things talking to kids is one of my easier hurdles as far as speaking is concerned. I suppose I just ask for you to pray that I overcome this. It may not seem like much but even this little "fear" is something that can become a ball and chain for mission work. Just sayin'.

After the story, we made t-shirts! Tons of fun! Landry is convinced his shirt was the best... but I definitely see some competition here! We had a bubble blowing contest, which Annija won! Congratulations to you! And we played several games of musical chairs. We were inside all day due to rain, but it was still an awesome day!

I'm headed out to a paradde now! But I'll post about today later.

Farewell!

4.3.2.1. BLOG

You may be wondering why I started with 4 instead of the most common 3 in my title. The reason is because the graduation I went to yesterday was 4 hours long... yeah. 4 hours.

Though, I have to say, I enjoyed it. I LOVED getting to see the culture; the dances, the songs, and the language. I was entertained by just about everything that happened, no matter how sore my butt was from sitting on those bleachers.... ugh.
Three good friends of mine graduated yesterday; Linda, Annija, and Agnese!! Congratulations to you guys!





After the ceremony we went to the country to have an after party with Annija and her family. It was the kind of fun one can only have in a house of Latvian speaking friends! We played Twister.... which I won, of course. But in all fairness I do push people while playing. (I have never heard it wasn't allowed.) So, yeah. What ever it takes to win, but only for me. No one else is allowed to play dirty.

We got back to the flat around 11:30 and Mom and Pops were already in bed. I got to skype with my best friend back home for the first time since I've been here. It was a much needed chat, that I wish we could have continued early this morning, but I couldn't wake up early enough. Now, I'm heading off to church and then to Sigulda to cheer on Landry as he bungee jumps. I'll take good pictures, but that's about all.
Farewell and Happy Father's Day =)

Knowing

There is something about being outside at twilight that is good for the soul.

After day one of our Latvian graduation adventures, which was an incredibly different experience. (Latvian's do graduation right.) Flowers... lots and lots of flowers are given to the graduate. It's wonderful!
Gusts graduation was last night, and Linda, Annija and Agnese have theirs today! After graduation yesterday I met up with Annija to talk about, well... everything.
I needed it. She needed it. And I think we both kind of need each other as support here. It was great to share everything, my past, my present, my future. Most of all it was great to share my heart with her. It's been a long time since I have felt that things were safe enough for me to attempt that. Annija and I, I have a feeling, are going to be a huge encouragement to each other in our walks with God, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us this adventure, and the next.

After that we got to surprise guests at the flat; Toms and Emils. Inviting us to go with them to play basketball. I went, whooped them all in basketball and left them feeling terrible about their sporting abilities.....
okay maybe not, but it was worth a shot. Nah, the guys played basketball after some races, (Emils won both, so kudos to you) and I won a bet that Emils would, so I'm happy.
Annija joined on in the adventures a little later and we got to walk and talk some more. So much fun!
After the game she went home and we, with some slightly scary persuasion we went and attempted a paper lantern, but it was too windy. (Next time though, I'll have pictures.)

Now, for my very first statement. After all of this we went to this little cliff area, with a view. It was probably about midnight at this time, which here in Latvia looks like an early Texas twilight. It was beautiful. And after climbing up step after step in some sort of dark areas we got to the top and looked around. Absolutely beautiful.

This, as silly as it was and with four crazy boys around, was one of the most relaxing and peaceful moments of the trip for me.
Not because it was quiet, or because of some intense spiritual conversations. But because it was me, in a place that I absolutely love, knowing that I'm supposed to be here. And knowing that God absolutely wants me here, now. And I'm here. Now.
The feelings that come with knowing you are where you're supposed to be are indescribable. I hope you've felt them. I pray you feel them. And if you don't I pray you find it.

With love!
-Me.

Clarification of My Testimony.

I feel like this should be posted. It’s rough, and it sucks. But it’s my testimony. I feel like those of you who read my blog may not understand all of where I’m coming from, and what a better time for you to know. It’s still early in the trip.

The past few days I’ve felt like I’ve only been halfway displayed here. That only my happy and sometimes really sad parts have been showing. Both are genuine, but there is so much more hiding under this rock-hard skin of mine. This is an explanation of who I was, am, and hope to be by grace.

I have always been a “Christian.” I’ve been in church since the time I was born, until last year. I started up again this year after getting out of school for the summer. I blamed my absence on my busy schedule, and on not sleeping and being too tired to go. The reality was I had a huge fear of approaching the throne of God. I never said that to anyone, of course.

Before my senior year of high school and my first year of college a “trial” or “test” from God was something I heard about from my parents or read about in a bible story. Not something that I had to experience. Then senior year came with heart breaking trials. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. It’s all I can really say. I sat and watched it take over my best friends mom… forget that, my sister’s mom. “Nothing will ever be this painful. Ever again.” That was my promise to myself. For some reason or another, through this trial I decided I could do everything myself. I was going to make sure nothing hurt me. I was going to make sure that I was strong for my sister. I was going to make sure that God could never hurt me again. (I came up with this phrase in one of my journal entries.) Stupid, stupid, delicate, girl.

When I went away to school a friend of mine was in a car wreck, and the week she was in the ICU I got news of several others passing away. While I was waiting to go to her funeral, I was attending another. So on and so forth in this way until I had enough. And all this time I was making sure that I was only running on my own strength. Stupid, stupid, delicate girl.

As you can well imagine this didn’t work so well. My sadness and suffering turned into numbness. A state of being that will occasionally take me over from time to time. I can’t fully explain the numbness, but it is completely emotional, spiritual, and physical. I hate it. For a long time I couldn’t figure out how to get out of this state of numbness. I tried everything… and I do mean everything to get rid of this numb feeling. Nothing worked.
Then came time, far past its due date, to approach God.
Thiiiiiis wasss gonnaaa suuuuuck.

There was no big moment, no sudden turn around. There was me, being forced to go to church again. And there was me scrounging around on the spiritual dirt floor looking for a second wave of feeling to come around so that I might stand up and start climbing the ladder to my Father. I was in church, which was great; I felt nothing towards it, which was bad. But I was forcing myself to read the Bible, and to pray. Whether or not I felt anything at all.

Here I am now. Standing on that same dirt floor I was crawling around on a few months ago. One hand on that ladder, and I’m ready to go. My stubborn nature has helped me fix what my stubborn nature started. I still don’t understand all that has happened, and it still makes me cry before I fall asleep. But now my faith is well placed, and my heart is in good hands; however, broken. And each night that is difficult is another day that I will have a something to say about how my God saves.

Amen.

Dinner and Winter Weather

Last night, (Wednesday the 16th) we were invited to the house of one of our church members to eat dinner. I had been once last year, and it was great to go back and enjoy some good ol' fashioned Latvian cooking. I don't think there was a single thing that I didn't like! Of course, I'm not really picky either... Ah well. We ate outside with everyone and at about... 10 it was reaaaallly cold. Felt like the beginning of a Texan winter!

The family that lives at this house is a huge illustration for what it means to be in peace with God. Their stories are touching, their home is small, but their hearts are huge. The three girls that were at their house last night are not theirs. However, they're here just about every summer. I'm unsure of most of the girls' backgrounds, but I know that they come from broken homes.
Last year one of the girls, Alma, asked me to adopt her. I remember asking her "But what about your mom? Wouldn't she be sad if you left her?" I received one of the most heartbreaking answers from a little girl who was almost 7. "no." sad.


It was good to see everyone last night, a good reminder of how the culture is here.

This morning I'm sit here in my room thinking and praying about what it is I'm supposed to do here. I have a group of kids who are genuinely interested in my life, and I in theirs. They only know part of my story, and I only know bits and pieces of theirs. I want to know what role God plays to them, this will be a huge task... they won't even answer what music they listen to. With time and patience... with time and patience.

I want to be more than halfway there. And I can't do that with out a whole lotta help from God.
Your prayers are asked for and needed here. Please don't hesitate to send them. Pray in the next five minutes and you'll recieve free shipping and handling.


Alma


Anna


Vilma, the excellent cook and host.

No boys allowed.

We kicked off the week with our first kids camp; subject of study-Noah. We started out the day with a three legged race and some goofy smack talk thrown back and forth in two different languages... needless to say, my team lost. But, we'll get 'em next time!
After our three legged shenanigans we all piled inside to tell a bible story. Landry did a great job of telling the story, and getting everyone involved in acting it out. The kids were all very sweet and payed good attention when the story was being told-- minus a few squirely boys. haha!

That afternoon I spent hanging out with my good friend Linda. We went walking around parts of Cesis that I hadn't ever been too, and of course... I forgot to take my camera. My apologies! I'll make sure that I can get back to those places for pictures with in the next few weeks.

Tuesday we worked some at the church; chopping, moving, stacking wood. The usual. After work we went to grab a pizza and ran into an old friend from last year... KLAVS!!!!! haha, oh how we missed him. Our 6 foot 7 inch friend has been greatly missed and openly welcome back into our good ol' fashioned fun in Cesis.

Once we got back from pizza the boys went and did boy stuff with some of the guys from the youth group, while Linda and I attempted microwave cookies, which failed. So we went for rice crispy treats instead.

Last night was our first girls bible study! There were 7 girls including myself and we read Matthew 11:28-30 along with Matthew 5:3-10. We discussed what kind of people Jesus asked to come to Him. I asked them the question "Who is the broken? Why would a God as great and powerful as this want broken people?" And pointed out things that someone might argue. The verses were an excellent tool to get them started on a good discussion. For them to be able to discuss what and why they believe in God. WHY they would bother to come to Christ with their burdens. I hope to continue this same conversation with them and to hear their stories, and how they became to be who they are.

It is now Wednesday at 11:15 in the morning. We're getting ready to go and meet with Pastor Olegs about the upcoming week.
I should go get ready for the day!
Farewell, and I'll keep you posted!

Week 1

Finishing the first week has been an accomplishment. We worked hard, played hard and have already made several new friends. Once we arrived here on Tuesday, and after we got to meet up with our old friends from last year we went and crashed at the flat. The next day was spent wandering around Cesis, showing the first timer (Landry) some of the old city. Wednesday was a relaxing day, used for our poor traveling bodies to catch up with us. A day well spent.

We hit the ground running by Thursday. We spent most of our day at the boys prison here in Cesis. My first steps into the prison didn't feel unusual to me at all. I remember reminding myself that they were boys, just like my little brothers. But when we were about to walk in to the area to meet them, fear couldn't help but show itself to me. The guard at the front gate was handing me a "panic button" sort of deal. that I needed to hide some where on me. It felt so uncomfortable sitting there clipped to my jeans underneath my shirt. The hard plastic hitting my hip bone every now and then. It felt stupid to me, how ever safe it was supposed to make me, it felt like too much. After we got let in to see all the boys we joined a group of other people that had already been let in to teach the boys. We were divided into groups, and told to make a "Good things about not using drugs" collage. The boys were distracted, either by me or by something else, but they did the job. We had fun, I was the only one in the room that couldn't speak Latvian. Figures.

That Thursday night was our first youth night experience. Landry sang a few songs, and the other kids would join in on little parts that they knew. I hope that we can make a huge difference in this group. They not only need leaders, but they need to learn how to be leaders. I hope we can show them. There were several new faces for me to meet at youth that night, and I can't wait to see them more often.
Friday we spent chopping wood and loading into on of the storage buildings at the church. It was hard work that we're all sore from! The rest of the day was really nice and relaxing. The three interns and a bunch of the Latvian kids went on a bike ride to the country for a picnic, where we taught them what a peanut butter and jelly sandwich was, as well as them teaching us what some of their food is.


Saturday was spent in Riga, laughing and wandering around with friends. A great opportunity to build new friendships, and continue growing closer to old friends. I enjoyed my time going to and from Riga more than I might have enjoyed Riga itself. Either way it was a beautiful day and lots of great pictures were taken!




Some of the most touching moments in the week had nothing to do with where I was. Yes, it's true that where I am has some of the most beautiful scenery is right out my window, but walking around in the rain with one of my best friends seeing them as humans and them seeing me, scars and all. I want them to know and understand my struggles from the past year, and that as much as it hurt me, it has made me vulnerable to a God amazing enough to love me. Let them see past the scars and the troubles to the core of my being, and see that behind the brokenness of my being, there is Christ. Not myself.
Amazing grace.
lets start week two!

Alright, the hard part is over. Mostly sleep on the way over, and the five of us are sitting in the London airport now. We've still got about 4 more hours until we leave here. It's not so bad, I'm just very sleepy.

I was just reading Psalm 22 while sitting here, it's a wonderful chapter. I suggest you read it. I relate to it on so many levels, and am encouraged by the illustration of strength displayed with in the text. Kind of a "Yes, it sucks. Yes, I'm hurting. But my God is Holy" theme. Which usually, when I hear from other people I ignore. Because they haven't felt the same pain I have, probably not the right way to think about it at all, but it is what it is.

So, that's my encouraging tid bit. I think I'm going to try for a nap now... we'll see how that works out.

Hello!

We're about a week away from flying out of Texas. How exciting! I've been shopping for craft supplies, reading for lessons, and journaling for thoughts in order to prepare for this trip. It's going to be a great trip and I pray that we will be able to get more accomplished than what we can ever imagine possible. I am most excited for all of the time that I will be spending with the girls in the youth group. I cannot wait to see where our relationships go, and how deeply they become rooted to God and to eachother.

I am close to tears when I think of being reunited with friends that I have been waiting a whole year to see. I cannot wait for them to see my growth, my struggles and my faith through it all. I want to hear about everything that I've missed and I want to be strong in telling them why I came back. Not for them, but for what I have to give them; that is the knowledge and understanding of a God who is All Powerful.
A lesson I have recently re-learned.

I feel that the testimony that I will have to share with them is going to be so much more than it was the last time I was there. I want to make sure that they see how easily our faith is changed when it is so shallowly planted.
All in all, I'm ecstatic, and I hope you enjoy reading about all the wonderful things that are going to be done there this summer.

Farewell friends!

In the Beginning...

Hello to all, zero readers, of this currently new blog. I figured I'll post up one lil' ol thing before the ball gets to rollin'. I am a few weeks away from flying to Latvia. I'll be keeping you posted on meetings that happen in between now and the departure date.
So far this is what I know about the work that two other interns (Thomas and Landry) and myself will be doing while in Latvia this summer.

We are planning to work with kid's day camps once a week, for six weeks. We hope to have good games, bible study, music and maybe even dancing while we're there working with the younger kids of Cesis. We will also be working with youth from the city, the guys will probably do some "guy stuff" and us ladies will get together once a week or so to cook, watch movies and bible study! At least this is my hope.

We are also going to do some traveling while there, to the beach, the capital etc. As far as I know we will also be campers in a youth camp or two while we're there. I am excited to be working with friends that I made the last time I was there! I'm even more excited to have the opportunity to be there long enough to really share myself, my story and the word of God. The combination of these three things, and the amount of time I'll be there will hopefully allow for a softness of heart from the young people in Latvia.

I can't wait to be there and I hope you'll tag along (via blog) to enjoy the trip with me!

labdien!